A Happy and Healthy Marriage Made Easy
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I've been going on girls' trips for as long as I've been married. Yes, I love traipsing off with my spouse and three kids. But these weekends away with friends are also important. Swapping stories with others and enjoying new experiences make me -- I hope -- a more interesting person for my spouse to be around.
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When Katie Couric asked Barbra Streisand the secret to her happy year marriage to James Brolin, she replied "time apart. There are many things you should never say to a longtime spouse, the first being: It's also never a good idea to start a sentence with: We hopefully all have a pretty good sense of ourselves at this point and having someone you love point out a failing in this way does little to engender a loving relationship. Neither of these is true. If you start a sentence with these words your mate is certain to shut down or start a fight.
Stop for a minute and think about what you really mean to say -- and then say that instead. In life, there are big things and there are little things. The big things -- draining the bank accounts to support a gambling habit, forgetting to mention that he's in the federal witness relocation program living under a false identity or that he has a second family stashed in Queens -- are of course one-way streets to divorce court. But most of us don't have problems of that magnitude. Most of us have problems that are more like petty and repeated annoyances, which when fed the steroids of resentment and anger, balloon up like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And we all know what steroids did to his heart , right? Most of our problems start out small enough -- he borrows the jumper cables from your car and then leaves them sitting in the driveway just waiting to get run over -- and from that sprouts a giant festering sore.
It leads you to utter words like, "If you loved me you would have put the jumper cables back in my car so that when I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with a dead battery I could save myself," which, in my household, generally results in a reply like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods?
1. Don't fight over text
It is the small annoyances that, if left unaddressed, do us in. For a happier marriage, address them right away and keep it simple. Sometimes the best way to address a problem is to just walk away from it -- as in seriously let it go. Not every slight must be addressed. Know that not every insult is intended.
Practice letting go as much as you can.
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Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds. And once in a while, remind yourself of why you married this person.
Focus on those reasons and let stuff pass without mention. The trick to successful silence, however, is that you really let the problem pass. If you stay silent and still harbor bad thoughts, well, that's where ulcers come from. As the Beatles told us, "Let It Be. Relationships aren't flat-lined; that's death, actually.
Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We all go through periods where the mere thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can't stand the sound of their breathing next to us.
We've all been there. The trick is knowing that you won't stay in either place forever. Truth is, in a marriage, you spend most of your time in an emotional middle ground. The breakthrough moments help them to notice the impressive change that took place because of the learning process. Any milestone serves as a driving force for further headway. In order to keep growing, you clearly define your goals. Smart goal setting is one of the tools to ensure constant growth. Quite the opposite, it keeps you motivated and engaged.
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Research showed that precise and ambitious goals increase the performance of an individual. As we already agreed, life long learners are people who care about their performance, hence they never stop improving. A complete change can lead to incredible results.
This is especially visible on the example of successful companies. Twitter was originally created as an internal service to serve Odeo employees. Currently, it has over million monthly active users and is considered the second biggest social network. As a life long learner, you know a change can lead to extraordinary results so you welcome it and stay open minded about making a shift.
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Some people tend to think after a certain age, they are no longer allowed to start something and become successful. Henry Ford was 45 when he invented the Ford Model T car, which is considered as the first affordable automobile. Sure, for some domains like becoming a professional athlete, starting early is required. However, to learn and improve for its own sake, you are never too old. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn.
Oftentimes, the best way to achieve that is to inspire them and be the example. As Gandhi would say, you need to be the change you want to see in the world. As a life long learner, you are extremely passionate about the constant growth and people around you can sense that positive attitude. As a result, they start acting similarly. Is it really better to step out of your comfort zone? The answer is always yes.
You always embrace discomfort as you know the path to success leads through hardship and countless obstacles.
7 Small & Simple Habits for a Happy Marriage
Instead of being afraid of facing them, you challenge yourself to overcome more and more difficult handicaps. Every time you get out of your comfort zone, regardless whether you win or fail, you learn something new. You just know once you stop learning, you lose the amazing privilege humans have, namely an ability to a never-ending intellectual development. Featured photo credit: Christin Hume via unsplash. Communication Relationships Advertising. Helen Earley Read full profile. Share Pin it Tweet Share Email.
When you first see your spouse, instead of having a negative or even neutral interaction, greet them with a positive statement, Bush said. The key is to be positive and loving. You might touch their hand or arm, or your legs might touch, she said. Many marriages, Bush said, suffer from chronic under-appreciation. She suggested couples end the day by thanking each other for one small act they did that day. So instead of a request, it comes out as an attack. Could you spend some time with me? Synch your breath together for one minute.
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- Tell your spouse that you're thankful for having him or her in your life.
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You might be in a miserable mood or downright exhausted. But try it anyway. She likened it to feeling depressed. And, yet, when you do the things that make you feel better, you feel better.